Why Must One Watch Pink?

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Yes, Pink has amazing performances. Every scene, every act and every move in the movie is well-taken and well edited. Scenes with and without dialogues are equally powerful. But, Pink stands out in the box office because there is lot more to it than great performances. The message it conveys and the manner in which it is conveyed is truly exemplary.

When I was watching Pink, I was reminded of:

• A friend who was totally uncomfortable staying with a girl who had many guy friends. Please note that these guys never came over to their place. She was simply uncomfortable thinking that she was in the ‘wrong company’. 
• Friends who are embarrassed/feel worked up or concerned if their kids, who are boys love the color pink or purple, love cooking games or ask their mother for a bindi, while dressing up.
• My friends who have empathized with me saying, ‘after all you are a girl!’
• People, strikingly even girls, who have commented that in the movie ‘No One Killed Jesscia’, the victim, after all, wore short skirts and she was ‘too’ bold.
• Guys and girls who felt a celebrity woman was over reacting to a bad touch or making it up, owing to the fact that she played the leading role in a cult movie.
• Weird advises - you stand too close to guys when you talk to them.
      Me, really? When?”
  Not when you stand face-to-face when you stand side by side.
•     Don’t tell anyone that you are abused/raped – if there’s anyone who will be left ashamed – it will be you.

There is a proverb in Malayalam which transliterates to ‘whether the thorn falls on the leaf or vice versa, it is the leaf that is at a loss.’ I am sure there are versions of the same proverb in all languages. This dictates and mirrors a social mindset. Guys will after all be guys. It is high time we break this mindset. If the thorn is at fault – it is; period. Do we consider it respectful and a matter of honor that men rape? If the answer is no, why blame the victim?

There needn’t be a prejudice that a girl/woman is friendly because of a hidden agenda. Character cannot be assessed with the length of one’s skirt, the choice of attire or by her choice of drinks.

Subconsciously we – women and men alike - always try reasoning out why a rape or misbehavior occurred – the girl wasn’t dressed well, the guy was provoked, she was out at night, she was walking alone. Have you ever caught yourself saying, “Oh my God! And all this happened in broad daylight.” So, we have separate rules for days and nights. The truth of the matter is - a crime is a crime is a crime.

A stranger has no business to teach a girl, on the road, how to dress, who she should be with, and when she should be outdoors. Rape, abuse and torture has nothing to do with upholding the moral values of our country.

I have often asked men who, I am sure are sane, what they would do when they see a girl who is skimpily dressed. I have often seen a surprise reality dawn on them when they realize that they would never resort to raping or teaching anyone a lesson. Again, a verdict to the fact that rape and emotional/verbal abuse is a crime. It may stem out of feudal upbringing or many other myriad reasons. But, at the end of the day, there are no other explanations or excuses - it is a crime.

Watch Pink to see things in a different light. Watch Pink to be aware of what you need to advise your girls and boys. Watch Pink to instill the most precious of qualities in your children - compassion and mutual respect. Most girls freeze when they are in a situation where they can be abused. Girls are most often confused and believe that they are the ones at fault. This is true even in the case of child abuse – girls and boys alike. Do we parents have a role in instilling fear in our children, to make things easy for us? Think about it.

As parents, teachers and mentors, I believe, we need to modify our advise patterns and methodologies. Don’t just like and share valuable pieces of parenting tips you read on the Internet. Practice them! Do it for yourself. Do it for the next generation. It is not for us to fear a mistake we may have committed and take a whole crime scene, if any, on our shoulders.

Watch Pink simply because it makes sense. Watch it for yourself. Watch it for your children and with your children.

I'll stop with a few - very few - negative comments of the movie I came across, which I think is worth discussing. They are:

1.       There was too much drama in the court scenes.

2.       The climax is predictable.

3.       Why Pink?

4.       Pink fails to ring a bell in the feudal minds and thus, is a failure.

I, personally, love the movie from the title to the climax. The title breaks your expectation of seeing something cheerful and girly if something’s termed as Pink. The movie is out and out about changing mindsets.

The tears, the drama and the uncertain faces in the court is a true verdict that fear is a common factor no matter what we know about legal rights of women and the social trend regarding these laws. Nobody really wants to go to court. So, I think, Pink is pictured as realistically as it can be.

About the climax - I am grateful that the maker did not weigh the thriller aspect over the intent of the movie. I am truly glad nobody jumps with joy in the court room after the verdict. That would have been unwanted drama. The confused look on the face of the antagonist deserves a special plus. 

The 4^th point stated above is sadly true to a large extent. However, drastic changes never happen. Change is a constant but it takes time. Time will tell and prove it. Let us firmly hope that Pink will be what a movie like Arth, for instance, seems today versus when it was at the time it was made. Until then, we should be happy even if one out of million mindsets change.

Thank you to the makers and the actors - thank you for Pink! 

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'Xcuse Me! Home Is Priority For Me Too...

Say Yes to Equality

Image Courtesy: huffingtonpost.co.uk

Last year on Woman’s Day, I used this space to narrate tales of two women who were bold and beautiful. While I am still in awe of every woman out there who dares to live a life of their choice; my thoughts have taken a slightly different route this year.

I’d like all you pals, men and women alike, to help me understand a few things:

Why Women's Day?
Are we only entitled to a minor share on the number of days on the calendar, as well?

What exactly is this term called women’s rights?
I prefer calling it human rights.

Why is there a need to empower women?
Just recognize our power and worth, you won't need to empower anybody anymore.

Women’s Liberation – what’s that!?!

I am true to my ideology when I ask people not to put women on a pedestal. There is no need. Just treat them as an equal. We come with our own strengths and weaknesses. Yes, we are special and so are men. As a woman, I’d plead to live and let me live.

In the recent past, the papers announced that a certain celebrity couple was contemplating on divorce. Among the many ‘duh?!?’ comments I heard flying in and around me, this one was the undisputed ruler – ‘Nowadays, just because they work and make some money, women think they don’t need a husband. Just look at the rising number of divorce rates!’

When you logically decipher that comment in your head you get an equation, which looks like:
Women + Job = Divorce + Happy Women

Is that so? I have a question to people who justify this thought:

Is financial security the only thing a man has to offer in a marriage?

The comment I heard can be justified only if the answer to this is a yes, right?

If it is a yes, I'm sorry but you were cooking marriage with the divorce recipe.

Coming back to women's day...

Thank you for all the cheers and messages glorifying womanhood. I know that there are people out there who really mean it too. 

But, what we really need is peaceful co-existence, which evolves from mutual respect. I am not a feminist and I don’t intend to be one. Feminism, to me, is the same as that of chauvinism.

Try shedding the coat of chauvinism; chances are that you will see feminism vanishing like fog disappearing on a sunny morning.

Let us join hands to gift a world of equality to the younger generation. We need to be together simply for the joy of being together! Relationships are built on emotions; it is the application of logic that often spoils it.

Let's strive to be humans with compassion. Everything else will just fall in place.

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'Xcuse Me! Home Is Priority For Me Too...

'Xcuse Me! Home Is Priority For Me Too...

Image Courtesy: motor-kid.com

Along the walk of life, I have met many a women - the ones who choose to follow a career even after they are married and have kids, the ones who choose to be homemakers because that's what they genuinely like doing, and those who choose to be homemakers simply because they are lazy to get out and work.

It is nothing new to find homemakers expressing concern over the homes run by the ones who choose to drive their career alongside. However, it is a matter of observation that the homemaker sect can be divided into two - the ones who are truly content with their lives and the ones who are plain lazy.

I have often noted that the truly content homemakers are often less judgmental about the working clan. In fact, most often this sect appreciates the working clan for the energy they exude.

"Your children will not feel loved", "They will fare bad at their studies.", "Who will take care of your husband's needs?", "Children will get cranky.", "YOU will get cranky.", "As a couple you will grow apart.", "God! Your kids will fall ill too often." are a few among the zillion advises poured out to women who choose to take up a career.

Needless to say, the ones that fall prey to these are the ones who get little or no support from the people they are supposed to. It's not just women, even men who are just plain lazy and unwilling to do their bit, pour out these kind of advises.

It is a typical characteristic of these people that they bear no intent to support or offer a helping hand, when it is needed.

"I told you so...", is all they will have to offer at a moment of support.

To all of you men and women out there who have this train of thought or have been that pregnant cloud down pouring these so-called words of wisdom - this one's for you...

I may be busy scheduling out my day,
I may have a maid to do the regular household chores for me,
Nevertheless, the home runs the way I want it to.
I manage it!

I take care to make sure that my home runs just as well in my absence.
The laundry gets done, the house gets swept clean and the kitchen runs fine, not just because I have a maid.
It's also because I know how to maintain her too.

I am sure to have carved out support
To ensure my child's safe and well taken care of.
I may not be with my child 24 hours a day.
But please care to note that I am my child's mother.
I take immense care and shell out lots of money
To ensure that my child is in safe hands.

Even after a busy day, I make time to
Chat with my little one, play games, watch cartoons and
See the smiles, giggles and laughter.
Like yours, my child too turns to me in times of illness, sorrow and joy because
I am also a mother and a caring one, after all...

With all due respect to the life you have chosen to live,
Please respect the fact that like you say your home is your priority,
It is no different for me.

It is cruel and downright idiocy to think that just because
I have chosen to pursue a career alongside I am a selfish being.
Honestly, I think it's high time
You change your lens of observation.

If you can, stop sitting up on a pedestal looking down upon me.
If not, crib behind my back for all you care. 
Just stop advising me, please...

Remember, I am just being polite not asking you to stop.
Don't push it!

I understand that your brain, knowledge train and/or life experience
Hasn't showered you with the capability of understanding
The life I choose to live.
Deal with this issue yourself, I pray. 
For I don't have
The time, energy or space
To give you a detailed class.

Be clear that my child, my home and my life is my problem.

Be aware that I shall heed your advise
When I think you may be in a position to offer a solution.
Until then, please understand that
Free advises are simply a waste of my time and yours.

Last but not the least;
Like everybody else on this earth,
I too am observant about the life around me.

I see couples living a fairly good life. 
Just in case you haven't noticed;
Love grows and relationships get stronger
When male counterparts do their fair share.
Not just when they want things done.
But also when it is the need of the hour-
Needless of who is at the needs' end.

With that note I'd like to enlighten you
That my husband may be in relation
Your brother, your son or your dear best friend.
However, before you seat yourself on the judge's chair,
It is a note to ponder that you will
Never know how he is as a husband - NEVER!

So if you cannot hold yourself back,
I would suggest that you
Reserve your advises for him,
Discuss events or console him, as you please.

Let me be ME.

Thank you ever so much!

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Two Tales and a Few Thoughts

Image Courtesy: joneseysunshine.files.wordpress.com

Today, let me tell you an old story – two actually.

These are stories of two women – one whom I know personally, and the other whom I am acquainted with only through a story. Both the stories and the ladies are real, except for their names, which I wish to be discreet about. Let’s call them Percy and Mercy.

Mercy’s youth tells the tale of a girl madly in love with her neighbor – a charming boy for the times. In all circles of the country side where they lived, she was considered as one of the prettiest and one who was bestowed with many a talents. Though there was hardly any reason to make a hue and cry for the elders to permit a fruitful maturity to this relationship, they chose to unfold a drama. But, the lovebirds stuck to their resolve and eventually it ended up in a fairy tale wedding.

Percy, on the other hand, hails from a family totally orthodox by nature. Her marriage was arranged and she too settled into her husband’s home like every new bride does - with hopes and dreams for a peaceful life ahead.

Except for the fact that both these ladies hail from two different states of the country, their life was similar. Both were home makers merged into a joint family set up.

In course of their marriage, Mercy, the conqueror of her dreams, got to deal with physical violence, a forced abortion, an unfaithful and later bedridden husband, hurricane of financial issues and finally the life of a widow. In her venture for a meaning and happiness in life, she taught herself to be comfortable and content with the life she had. She was truly grateful for the two beautiful children she was blessed with, which was after all a fruit of her marriage. That was possibly the first entry in her book of gratitude, which she subconsciously prepared in her pursuit of happiness. Needless to say, she dealt with all the odds of life in a fashion, which is most acceptable to the older generation and most often frowned upon by ours. But I did notice that her serene beauty always remained with her. She always came out happy and pretty – not a hair out of place - no matter what the situation was at home. This, according to me, bears the fact that somewhere, somehow she always resorted to finding peace with herself. She, I know, always lived for her children and today she has successfully married off both her girls in the best manner possible.

Percy’s story is more revolutionary, especially considering the fact that this story is more than two decades old. She, I am told, had to deal with an entire household, when she learned that she was pregnant. She was asked to abort the child for it was a girl. When she couldn't take the pressure anymore, she chose to leave and hoped to find shelter at her maiden home. Her orthodox father was not very welcoming to this idea. He may have never turned her out, but he never warmed up to her either. Her mother, thankfully, gave her all the support that she could possibly give. Percy, I am sure, wouldn't have had a concrete plan during this unfortunate episode. All she knew was that she wouldn't let any harm befall upon the life that was growing within her. So, during her pregnancy she applied for whatever jobs her eyes fell on. When she was full term, she received an interview card from one of the most prominent nationalized banks of our country. During a period of trial, luck almost always takes a backseat. So it should be no surprise that on the night that preceded her interview, she went into labor. In the wee hours of the morning she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

Percy lay in the hospital ward thinking of her life ahead. One can fathom the turmoil that would have ran through her, each time she looked at her baby. Yes, she protected the life this Universe bestowed to her care. But, how will she sustain the little one and herself? She knew she had to make it to the interview simply as a self assurance that she had reached some milestone in her search for a job. So, entrusting her baby to her mother, within a few hours of her child birth, Percy set off to give her interview directly from the hospital. .

At the interview, after a couple of questions, she was asked the reason behind her rather pale and tired appearance. She simply admitted that she gave birth just a few hours back but didn't want to miss out on the interview. I love the fact that she didn't resort to tears nor did she relate any sad stories.

The interview concluded with the interviewer admitting that Percy didn't stand anywhere close when compared to the others lined up for the interview, but appreciated her spirit, will power and perseverance. The appreciation, thank goodness, was not limited to words alone for she got that job. I believe, to this day, she is a loyal employee at that bank. Today, her daughter too is happily married off.

I do not wish to give an opinion on who is right or wrong here. When I broadly look at both their lives, I see the struggle that both had to put up with. One was submissive to the rules laid by society while the other chose to break out of those shackles. I do not believe either of the paths adopted offered a life of roses. The remarkable quality that calls for respect is that both just didn't give up.

My focus is to highlight the inner strength a woman is gifted with. Living by the rules of the society is not any easier than breaking out of it. Both serve lot of hidden monsters. In my opinion, Percy and Mercy have displayed immense strength and I bow down to both of them for their courage to face the life they dared to live.

What I'd like to highlight is that, it doesn't really matter how you choose to brave through your adversities. Remember, it is YOU and ONLY YOU who knows what exactly you are dealing with and each one of us has a mind and brain exclusively designed for us. Weigh your options and stick to your choice.

However, the damaging part is when a Percy advises a Mercy to back out from the life she chooses to live, or vice versa. That can lead to the most undesirable results. Women, ought to be each others’ source of strength and support rather than be the worst criticizers of them all. Understand and respect the Percys and the Mercys. Both are very much important to building a great network.

I’ll stop on a lighter note. When I was dressing up for office the other day, my son who awes at my jewelry, was insistent on adorning my neck piece for a while. I most often succumb to such cute requests, but having run out of time, I had to decline it. I simply told him that it was girls’ stuff and that it was not meant for boys. Through the mirror, I could see my child in a dilemma of sorts. After a moment of thought he queried if I were a girl. Amused at his question, I admitted that I was. Next, he asked about himself. I pleasantly told him that he was a boy and a rather smart one! That answer drew a dark cloud over his face and before I knew he came pleading to permit him to be a girl!!!

It's true. Whether it is jewelry, clothes, emotions, inner strength, or a plethora of skills, women have so much at their disposal.Focus on your strength.

Explore what you have and what you are - take pride that you are a woman.

Happy Woman’s Day!

Image Courtesy: coroflot.com

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Reminders from Nirupama Rajeev

Courtesy: indiaglitz.com/smh.com.au/ibtimes.co.in/sikh24.com/news.in.msn.com

It was recently that I watched the Malayalam movie titled How Old Are You. There are so many aspects about the life of the protagonist, Nirupama Rajeev, that struck a chord.

All you women who find your life mundane and boring; all those of you who catch yourself saying, "Whatever a woman aspires,  it is after all the pots, the pans, the breakfast, lunch and dinner that matters." - this one's for you!

If you think that's a blow of reality and you were just seeing dreams as a child - change your thoughts. If you want to see yourself grow in this patriarchal society, realize your dreams, want your children (be it boys or girls) to have a different take on life and most importantly, if you want to be yourself - you are just a thought away...

There are friends who have called me complaining that now that their children have begun doing things themselves, they feel lost; they feel they don't have anything much to do and that they are too old to look out for a job. I always ask them a question, "What is it that you have always wanted to do?" Most of the time they simply don't know. You don't know because you have stopped weaving dreams.

A friend once told me that she had always wanted to be a doctor. Now, at the age of 36, that was not a dream that she could chase. Well, first of all, that was not an impossible dream. But yes, it could be highly impractical. But that does not mean the dream's lost and gone forever. That is, my dear ladies, where you have to tweak your thoughts. For example in this case, there are so many alternatives to join the health industry.

That goes for any industry you may be looking into. Check out your options. Find out what interests you. I promise you, there will be some treasure waiting for you. Remember, this universe reveals its goodies only to those who take the trouble to look for it - for those who feel worthy of it. After all, what you ask is what you shall get and what you seek is what you shall find.

It is great when a woman can have a superb support system. Some of you may be even gifted with men in your life who help you do the research and make you achieve great heights. Others may have people around them who may not be all that proactive but wouldn't mind the compromises that they have to make once they are convinced. Both of these are amazing situations. Don't turn down these queen makers with your laziness or lack of interest.

Other than the above two types, there is the next bunch who are a majority. They believe that they risk losing everything if a woman is permitted to do something she believes in. Do they risk the same in their venture? Most likely the answer is a yes. And what may be the actual reason for all the drama and the resistance? The very fact that their life changes, they have to compromise and make their own adjustments. They have to let go. Chasing their own dreams may tend to slow down. The easiest way out of this insecurity - blow up the negatives, criticize, blame the age, showcase children as a trap and use every such tool possible to crush a dream. The she is only meant for the well being of the he and the he's family. I say, don't give too much heed to these tantrums. Like a friend once rightfully pointed out, tantrums are always tantrums. Whether it comes from an adult, a child or a toddler, the best way to deal with it is to ignore it. 

The climax of the movie beautifully portrays one of life's greatest lessons. All those grumpy faces turn happy, appreciative and supportive the moment you turn successful.Success after all will always have a great number of fathers.

The next question would be - what if I am not? The golden answer is - how would you ever know if you haven't tried? And why would you be denied of success? Be positive.

Remember my dear friends! A Kiran Bedi, an Indira Gandhi, a Dr. Tessy Thomas, a Mary Kom or any other woman achiever from any part of this world didn't just drop down from skies with a note in their hands indicating that they are extraordinary and have been sent down for special tasks. They too would have either had a superb support system or would have ignored many grumpy faces or both.

I like a lot many dialogues that How Old Are You had to offer. But the most striking one was, "Your dream is your signature". 

Ladies! Live your dream and leave your signature because you are so totally worth it!

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